why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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