Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
