Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
