You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
