awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
