I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
