I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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