told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
