Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
