porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
