i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
