I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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