We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Terrible idea I love it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
