When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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