Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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