Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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