Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
