I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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