You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to sanitize my soul.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
