i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
