Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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