you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
