More tranny stories later!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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