watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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