I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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