No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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