I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize