Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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