The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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