I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
