Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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