Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
