I can text with my tongue
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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