Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
