dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
