btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
