Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
