i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize