these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
