I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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