Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
