He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
time to smoke my breakfast
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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