i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
