My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
