I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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