she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so let's talk penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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