the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize