so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
