3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
