im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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