I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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