dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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