Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
