There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
