i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
