I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have fence marks all over my body
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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