He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
