Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
