her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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