"it" just moved
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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