Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
