FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
