Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
