still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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