my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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