Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
