Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
