people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
