in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
