Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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