obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
