omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
